Applications
by NemesisFate
Summary: Marriage, in the Wizarding World, is a business transaction. People apply, you accept. Love has nothing to do with it. Well, maybe... it does, after all. HPSS slash!


"I have to do what?" Harry demanded unbelievingly.

Dumbledore smiled benignly at him. "You have to get married, of course. You just turned 19."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Harry demanded crossly.

"Your lot was drawn."

"My what?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "You turn of age when you are 17 in the Wizarding World, so you are thrown into the pot. Your number was drawn; you have to get married."

"Slow down. What are you talking about?"

"In the Wizarding World, when you are 17, your number is thrown into the pot. The pot is drawn from every year to see who gets married. Your number only gets thrown in the pot if your parents did not betroth you to anyone."

"What about other engagements? What if I had asked someone to marry me already? What if I was already married?"

"It would not matter if you were engaged. If you were married, then your number would not be in the pot."

"Whom do I have to marry?"

Dumbledore looked away. "People apply, Harry. Every year, when this drawing happens, it is announced in the _Daily Prophet._ People apply to marry you."

"Even if their number was not drawn?"

Dumbledore nodded. "But then their numbers get taken out of the pot."

"What about love?"

"Love is a romantic, Muggle notion. Love is unnecessary for a marriage, and often not recommended."

Harry had a sudden, hysterical picture of a bottle of medicine proclaiming itself to be 'Love' and a Surgeon General's warning stating: "Do not consume Love if you are currently married, as it may have harmful side-effects." He bit back the crazed laughter.

"And how is it determined who will marry me?"

"Well, there are a few ways. One, you simply read through all of the applications and pick the one that most appeals to you. Two, you choose a staff to do so for you and let them pick the most sound one. Three, you arrange some kind of contest between finalists and marry the winner."

"Ugh, that makes me sound like some damsel."

"So tomorrow there will be the announcement, and you will start receiving applications."

Harry nodded and left, heading straight for the dungeons.

"What's going on?" Severus asked Harry, not surprised at Harry's sudden entrance. They had become close friends in the past year, and Harry often visited.

"My number got drawn."

"Oh."

"Did your number ever get drawn?"

Severus nodded. "Yes. I was married once, too."

"What happened?"

Severus shrugged. "My wife died in the war. My number was not thrown back in, of course. The Wizarding World only requires one marriage."

"Even if there are no children produced?"

"Yes."

"Could you get married again if you wanted to?"

"Yes, I could."

"I don't quite understand this. What about love?"

"What about it?"

"Isn't marriage about love?"

"Love is often not recommended in marriages. Surely Albus told you that much."

"I just…"

"That's a Muggle notion that you should be in love to get married."

"How about same-sex relations?"

"Perfectly acceptable."

"So I will receive applications from guys, too?"

"Yes."

"Is there a way for guys to conceive?"

"Yes. There is a potion which is not that difficult to make, or spells which any experienced Mediwizard can cast."

"How long do I have to make a decision?"

"Six months, and then you are engaged. You have to be married by the day before your next birthday."

"Is there some kind of courtship ritual?"

"No. There are the applications, and if you need more info, you owl the person. It's like a business transaction, really."

"What if a person receives no applications?"

"Never happens. Everyone knows their duty. They have to marry, so they apply when someone they know had their number drawn."

"Oh. Thanks, Severus."

Severus shrugged. "Think nothing of it. It was a pleasure to help."

Harry left, pondering the situation.

As soon as he sat down at the table the next morning, loads of owls began arriving.

"What are these?" he asked.

"Applications, of course," Severus answered immediately. "If you want, I'll help you go through them after breakfast."

"Thank you."

Harry finished his breakfast quickly, and they headed to Harry's rooms to sort through the applications.

"Now, I know this is none of my business, but it'll help screen some of the applications. Are you straight, gay, or bi?"

"Gay."

"Good. We can ignore all of the ones from women, then."

Harry opened an envelope and scanned the application form. He snorted. "Listen to this."

"'Reason for applying: Oscar Wilde once wrote, "A man can be happy with any woman so long as he does not love her." Since you do not know me, you cannot love me, and thus will be happy with me…'"

"An interesting argument to be sure," Severus answered, a touch of a smile on his face, setting fire to an application. "It was a woman," he clarified.

Harry burnt the application in his hand.

They quickly eliminated over half of the applications in this manner. After doing so, they sat down with all of the male applicants and began going through them.

"Draco Malfoy," Severus declared, waving an application form in his hand.

"Burn it."

Harry then burned one from Lucius, and another from MacNair.

"Fudge."

"Isn't he married?"

"His wife died in the war effort."

"Well, burn it anyway."

"Finnigan."

"He wouldn't."

Severus frowned at him. "Why not?"

"He's with Dean at the moment."

"More advantageous to be with you."

"Would hurt Dean's feelings. Dean's my friend. Can't do that. Burn the application."

Severus laughed at him. "You and your Muggle notions. But if you wish. . ." He burned the application.

Not two seconds later, "Thomas."

Harry laughed. "I wonder if they knew?"

"Probably. They probably bet on it, too, not counting your Mugglistic ideals. Should I burn this one, too, then?"

"Yes. I'm not playing favorites with them."

By the end of the day, they had gone through all of the applications and set aside the potentials.

"Why not go through them now and pick one?"

"Because you will get more, and you shouldn't pick during the first week."

"Oh. Okay."

The week passed in a similar vein, and finally Harry and Severus sat down to start weeding through them to pick out those Harry could potentially get along with.

"'Favorites: Color: Blue –'"

"I don't get why you have to fill that out. Why is it going to affect our relationship what his favorite color is?"

"Decorating, maybe? I don't know, it simply says so. May I get on with the application?"

"Yeah, sure, sorry."

"'Music: Anything goes. Books: Don't really like to read.'"

"Ditch him. It would drive me nuts if I couldn't talk to someone about books."

Severus laughed and burned the application.

"'Reason for applying: I believe that our relationship could ascend into hereto unheard-of levels and give the Wizarding World…'" Harry burned it. "Pompous son-of-a-bitch."

"That he was, yes."

After another two weeks, they had about 20 people Harry could potentially get along with and 30 unread applications. The majority of those 30 were burned.

"How about this one?" Severus asked. "'Favorites: Color: Green, black, and silver, but am flexible with decorating, wardrobe, and the like if it is an issue. Music: Classical, jazz, and rock. Anything playing metal and heavy metal will be hexed. Books: Like many Muggle books. Asimov, Dumas, Tolkien, Christie, P.D. James are favorites, along with many others. Food: Will eat just about anything.'"

"Sounds good so far. Keep going."

"'Do you have either of the following? Lycanthropy: No. Vampirism: No.'"

"That's good to know, although with you around, lycanthropy wouldn't be that big of a deal. And vampirism… well, it'd be interesting."

Severus' lips quirked into a small smile. "Thank you. 'Were you ever affiliated with Lord Voldemort – '"

"I can't believe they actually put his name on the application. Most of the Wizarding World would faint."

"They didn't. I just substituted You-Know-Who for Voldemort. 'Were you ever affiliated with Lord Voldemort? Yes. Were you affiliated with him at the end of the war? No. Did you ever carry the Dark Mark? Yes. Were you ever charged with any war crimes? Yes. Were you exonerated of all charges? Yes.'"

"That's okay, then. You worked for Voldemort, too, and you're a good person."

Severus pushed down the blush threatening to break out over his face.

"I like this person. Toss him into the potential pile."

Severus did so.

After a month, they had 30 potentials. "How do I sort through these sorry bastards?" Harry asked.

"You could owl each one of them and ask to meet them for a couple of hours to see if you like them."

"There's an idea," Harry said brightly, and went off to write the owls.

"No, don't, I'll do that, and organize when you're going where," Severus said.

"Thanks."

Severus smiled. "Don't mention it."

"How did it go?" Severus asked Harry after Harry returned from his first date.

"I hated him. He was so full of himself. I wanted to punch him after fifteen minutes."

"Oh, dear," Severus said, biting back laughter.

In this manner, 19 men were quickly eliminated.

Harry sat in a café and waited patiently.

Severus slid into a chair across from him.

"Your date sent me an owl withdrawing his application, so I thought I'd have coffee with you instead."

"Thanks," Harry answered, smiling. "A familiar face would be nice. I am sick of meeting strange men and hating most of them."

"You only have four men to go."

"Which means I only liked six of them. And three of those I liked more as a friend than a lover."

"I miss your point. You don't have to like them as a lover…"

"I know, I know, but I liked them enough to talk to them, not to shag them."

"Ah."

"I liked them, I really did, but the idea of having sex with them…"

"Well, no matter, let's have some coffee."

"A good idea, Severus." They ordered coffee and fell to chatting.

By the end, only eight men were left.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, how am I going to choose between them?"

"Well, start by eliminating those you couldn't have sex with."

"Oh, that helps. There's only five now."

Severus rolled his eyes. "How about magical ability? You'd be happier if you're partner wasn't a total weakling."

"Hey, good point. Let's try that."

"I'll write them," Severus said, and went off to do so.

"How are we going to test their magical ability?"

"An obstacle course," Severus said with a not-too-pleasant grin. "Like the 3rd task of the Triwizard Tournament, only harder and a little more confusing. Albus has granted us the use of Hogwarts. He himself is setting it up."

"Wonderful. I can't thank you enough, Severus."

Severus smiled slightly. "Don't mention it."

"Not one of them managed to get through," fumed Harry. "Not one! Albus, honestly, what was the hardest thing in that challenge?"

"Banishing ten Dementors."

"That's ridiculous!"

"At once. Not to mention the sphinx, the boggart, the werewolf – restrained, but they didn't know that – avoiding the vampire, the Devil's Snare, the giant chessboard, the potions logic, finding the keys, giant spiders…"

"You took a lot from my school days," Harry laughed. "Let's see… The sphinx was from the Triwizard Tournament, the giant spider from that and from my second year, the boggart was from my third year with Remus, the Devil's Snare, the giant chessboard, the potions logic, and the keys were from my first year, the werewolf, I guess, was from my third year… Not a real werewolf!"

"Of course. Remus volunteered. He had Wolfsbane in him."

"Was this at all doable?"

"Severus did it."

"He went through the entire course?"

"Yes, and came out more or less unscathed. He was particularly brilliant when it came to the giant chessboard."

"I thought he set up the potions."

"No, I did. I have some knowledge of them, although not nearly as extensive as that of Severus."

"Hello," Severus greeted as he came in, a burn on one hand and a jar of salve in the other.

"You said unscathed!" Harry cried, turning to Dumbledore.

"More or less."

Harry rolled his eyes and went over to Severus, taking the jar of salve. "Here. I don't know why you did that ridiculous obstacle course in the first place. How did you get the burn?"

"The burn? Oh, a baby dragon," Severus answered absently. "And a blast-ended screwt."

Harry fought down the anger threatening at that as he applied the salve.

"You never mentioned that," he said to Dumbledore.

"No, so I didn't."

"Are you okay?" Harry asked Severus worriedly.

"Yes, I'm fine, especially with the salve. Thank you for your help."

Dumbledore left then.

"Drink?"

"Yes, please." Severus sat down.

"Why did you go through that obstacle course?" Harry asked, giving Severus his drink.

"Kinda had to, now didn't I?"

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked.

Severus indicated the pile of applications. "Go look at them."

Harry grabbed the applications and looked through them. "Yes, I met with all of them… oh."

He read the application in his hand.

'Last name: Snape. First: Severus. Middle: Alexander.

Date of Birth: November 17, 1954.

Father's name: Septimius Severus Snape.

Mother's name: Elizabeth Mary Black Snape.

Pureblood, half-blood, or Muggle-born: Pureblood, although I don't see why that matters.

'Favorites:

Color: Green, black, and silver, but am flexible with decorating, wardrobe, and the like if it is an issue.

Music: Classical, jazz, and rock. Anything playing metal and heavy metal will be hexed.

Books: Like many Muggle books. Asimov, Dumas, Tolkien, Christie, P.D. James are favorites, along with many others.

Food: Will eat just about anything.

'Do you have either of the following? Lycanthropy: No. Vampirism: No.

'Were you ever affiliated with Lord Voldemort? Yes.

Were you affiliated with him at the end of the war? No.

Did you ever carry the Dark Mark? Yes.

Were you ever charged with any war crimes? Yes.

Were you exonerated of all charges? Yes.'

"It was your application you read to me. And that's why you showed up at the café, and why you wouldn't let me write to the applicants."

Severus looked worriedly at Harry. "I'm sorry…"

"Oh, don't be. I was hoping you would. Now, how do I accept this application?"

"Marry me."

"I'd love to. Do I get an engagement ring?"

"Only if you want one, brat."

"Yes, I rather think I do. Let the world know I'm taken."

Severus smiled at Harry indulgently.

"Why?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Why what?" Severus demanded.

"Why did you apply?"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake… Because it's advantageous, you have power, influence, and money – which is why almost everyone applied, come to think of it, and while they would have loved the publicity, I'm willing to put up with it – plus I know you as a person and like the man I see, so I know life will be tolerable with you – you are extremely sexy, so sex shan't be a problem… Anything else?"

Severus caught the strange look on Harry's face.

"No, I don't love you. But…"

"I know. But I rather think you do love me."

"Cheeky brat."

"Your brat. I'm accepting your application."

The next day, the paper announced the engagement of Harry James Potter and Severus Alexander Snape.

"I'm glad you applied," Harry said softly over breakfast that day.

"I'm glad I applied, too," Severus replied as softly.


End file.
